“It’s the blind leading the blind. I haven’t seen God’s guiding light in so long. All I do is lead you further from it,” he adds, so close that Tomas can feel the shape of every syllable.
Marcus says these things like they’re gospel, like Tomas has no say in the trajectory of his own soul. He wants to take the words into himself so that Marcus can’t think them, can’t feel them, can’t use them as a weapon any longer. His mouth drags over to Marcus’, pulling Marcus’ lower lip between his teeth. He watches Marcus’ eyes flutter closed, his do the same, and for a long, suspended moment, all he feels is peace.
Then Marcus turns his head—with Tomas’ hands still fastened behind his neck, he can’t go far—and Tomas feels an acute exhaustion cover him like a blanket. He’s so tired of watching Marcus retreat.
Marcus can’t meet his eyes when he next speaks. “Even this…” he trails off. He releases Tomas with one hand, long enough to gesture between them. “I’m weak. And that weakness, it’s catching, like a disease. It’s already infected you.”
“Stop,” Tomas says, sudden and louder than he intends, just as Marcus’ face begins to crumble. He lets one hand fall to Marcus’ shoulder, squeezing hard, the other coaxing him by the jaw to look forward again, to meet Tomas’ eyes. “Stop,” he repeats, gentler.
Because it wasn’t like that, Tomas remembers very clearly. No one started it. It just happened, as easy and without deliberation as divine intervention. He won’t let Marcus make a perversion of it.
Очень хороший момент, вот этот легкий сдвиг, когда Томас начинает вести - удивительным образом оставаясь при этом Томасом-который-идет-за-Маркусом - и не дает ему сбежать. “Do you really think me that easily influenced? If you do, maybe I’m in the wrong business.”